Just when I thought I've finally overcome and moved on from the past, here it is again, haunting me.  Recurring to me in a way that I have to deal with all the crap and consistently show no emotions at all.  It's hard coz I opted to choose this complication without even knowing its purpose and intention.  And I'm not sure whether or not this rather complicated friendship is purely a friendship thing or there's anything to look forward to. 
I have no expectation or whatsoever but it occurred to me that I have to do something about it.  That this has to lead to something more definite... something worth it.  It will be difficult to move on again but there's no other way.  I'm only human... i do get tired and fed up at times and if only given a choice, i don't want to feel that... i don't want to wake up one day with much regrets and not giving a damn anymore.
I may be weak but i can always be tough.  and this time i have to do good.... I can't disappoint those people who deeply care for me and most especially, I can't afford to lose the respect i have for myself.